Where to begin? How ‘bout no sleep and compound stress? It’s been a week now of little, to no sleep. Rémy is getting his 2-year molars AND he’s had a reaction to his last shots. He’s feverish, runny nose, drooling, lethargic, clingy and in PAIN and discomfort. Despite Motrin and Hyland’s teething tabs and gel, we aren’t getting much sleep around here.
So, how could it be worse you ask? Well, I’m a community leader for a virtual playgroup. I love this place. I very much like most of the women who post there. Would I choose them as friends in real life? Not all but a good many –yes. At least they would be acquaintances. Lately however, this community has been not such a nice place to be. I’m not going to point fingers. I think everyone involved has some culpability. What I don’t understand is why there is a few that just can’t get past the past and move on. Move on as in, stay with the board and make it better. Get involved; try to fix the problems you see. Be apart of the solution. Or move on as in, this isn’t the place for me anymore or for right now so; I’ll give my participation a rest, for the good of you and in consideration of the other people who post and hang out there.
I had a moment like this last year. I realized that the board was only frustrating me. . You want to know something else? I was part of the reason why the board wasn’t inviting to me anymore. I think people have to look at their own behaviour and stop pointing fingers at individuals or groups. I quietly left for about 6 months and when I returned I no longer felt resentment. My head was in a different space and I felt that it was my responsibility to change how I participated in the board, not the board’s responsibility to cater to me. The board had changed. The board is not what it was when we were expecting. It will never be that again. We aren’t those people. Change is hard to accept, I know, but it is inevitable.
I’m also terribly frustrated with the host community. We have issues that need to be aired and I think everyone wants to talk (if it can be done without pointing fingers, laying blame or without name calling). I actually thought we were getting somewhere. The community moderators have muzzled everyone. Here is an excerpt from a note I sent out Friday.
“Every time you slap someone's hand for discussing this issue, we loose people from the regular board. I'm sure YOU all are tired of our board's problems but being heavy handed is not making it any better. “
And I’m right. The censorship is just driving people away. All the warnings, it has just gotten out of hand!
I received a lot of flack for my thread regarding troll behaviour. I stand by that thread. It is my belief that if someone posts a thread or a message with the intent to bring further strife to the board, that is being a troll. I don’t see how that thread could offend anyone who has not performed such an act. No one was labeled a troll. And as for the blinkies, they served as a personal reminder to be vigilant. 1) Don’t start a thread or post with inflammatory intentions and 2) don’t respond to threads or posts that you may think are inflammatory with more vitriol. If in doubt, ask the poster for clarification. My personal opinion is it could only offend you if you think you’re a troll and if the shoe fits honey….
As much as I’d like to think that no one from the playgroup would stumble onto this post, I know they will so I’ve taken great care to vent without vitriol. If you want to talk about this issue but feel that you can’t without possibly hurting someone’s feelings than please send me an email though my profile. I want to have a dialogue about this but I don’t want there to be more fallout on the board.
Lastly, this is my personal space where I can barf out some of the stuff that happens to me each and everyday. Yes, this space is about my son and it’s my son that brought me to the playgroup. They are related. I think I’ve done a fairly good job of posting my feelings without laying blame on anyone. This is a space where my mother and friends will come to read about my family and me. If you can’t comment on this entry in a neutral or non-confrontational manner or without vulgarities or foul language then, please don’t post.
Thanks in advance for reading and for being civil in return.
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4 comments:
YES!!! I know how hard you've been hit by this - feeling like actions are being taken by moderators that you have no control over. I know you have the best of intentions and put a lot of care into your words and actions. You're not just a CL, you're a wonderful valuable woman and mother who I am proud to call Friend. Many hugs!
Hi Natalie.
I can imagine how frustrating this process has been for the CL's. It's been difficult for everyone. You and I have agreed on may things in the past, and most likely will in the future.
I was not a part of the vitriol, except to try to be peacemaker. I have tried to stay out of it because I saw rights and wrongs on both sides. I DID stay out of it until you posted the troll thread.
I am a person who never posted anything resembling your dedfinition of a troll, and I WAS offended. Completely and totally. While I think the intent of asking everyone to not respond to posts they feel are inflammatory is certainly acceptable, and well within your scope of responsibility as CL, I fail to see how name-calling can help to calm an already volatile situation. There are many other members, VLT-ers, Pop-ers and "independents", who were also offended.
You could have accomplished the same intent without referring to name-calling. That you are a CL, and that the CM's approved this thread, truly boggles my mind. I just don't get how you and they couldn't see in advance how that would pan out, Natalie. And that you still think it's acceptable to call people trolls, is very disheartening. The bottom line is that you caused alot of disruption by labeling people trolls.
This is how I see it.
Wendy
Natalie....(hugs) You know how I feel.
I stand behind you and the intentions of that thread.
I know it's been a hard few months on you, and Tash.....but I still think you both are doing a tremendous job, despite the difficulties all the way around.
JC, Jodi, Christine, Wendy and Iris - Thanks for your comments and for having a conversation with me about these events.
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